A poem: On Luxury

and rebellion

On Luxury

At lunchtime, I allow myself
a seat in the sun 
and the luxury of solitude
in the dune tracks with the dogs
near the stream and running.

My friend says, ‘In the morning
I say a prayer of thanks that I can pee,
some people can’t and it’s
everything.’

A hot bath to wash
away sand, salt
the oil slick of the past.
The luxuries of sight
and comprehension.

~ by Kirstie McKinnon

[On Luxury  was first published by the Dunedin UNESCO City of Literature, as a poster for National Poetry Day, 23 August 2024, Dunedin, New Zealand]

About this poem

On Luxury is one of a series of poems about changing the relationship with old patterns of the past, with concepts of success. Writing the poem was an act of rebellion against an idea I grew up alongside: that the gloss of appearance matters, that your car, your clothes, your smile, your thinness all matter to convince the rest-of-the-world that you are successful, happy, beautiful, good.

I like the poem, and I’m also uncertain about it. The question it raises for me is: who am I in this? In the poem I raise a banner. I was angry as I wrote On Luxury. Do I want to be angry? No. Do I want to spend my creative life in a kind of resistance to what-was? I don’t know, but one path I find to be worthwhile is to make things, then look at them to see what they might tell.

I want to practice the art of paying attention to the person in front of me; the people with me. Start in the centre of the circle. If I can be kind there, in the first ring of stars alongside me, then: that is the success I crave. Crave? No, kneel next to, ask for the grace to be: kind to the person in front of me. I’m not always. Because some days it takes me such shedding of advice, plans, lists, goals, judgements, injuries, fear, worries, failure: just to pause enough to see, and hear the person in front of me. The luxury of attention. And in the paradigm of self-compassion, an area where I’m a beginning practitioner how does this apply? So many important things are made up of one, and one, and one. Everything? And if I am one of those ones? This is the whisper of this work: the luxury of attention.

Water, light, air, watercolour on paper by Kirstie McKinnon